Dear Carl’s Jr.,

Why do you have to make me dislike you?

I never asked for women to be hypersexualized. I never asked for sensuality when it comes to fast food. I never asked for Mystique to turn into a man just to eat.

I applaud you for your stellar business techniques (sex sells!), but all I wanted to do was watch a basketball game with my dear old dad. And I did, except for there was quite a bit more skin than I was expecting, thanks to your commercials.

But why is it necessary? Can’t we, as a society, just calm down a little on the steaminess factor? Sure, it seems fun, but it gets real tiring after the first three hundred times.

Well, Carl’s Jr., you are a sexist company. That’s it. One of you people said, “Let’s objectify women to draw in creeps so they’ll eat our Western X-Tra Bacon Thickburger and our Grilled Cheese Breakfast Sandwich.” And then the rest of those other people said, “Yeah, that’s a great idea! After all, sex is the only thing that makes women important!”

But that’s so absolutely wrong! While your marketing ploy may be effective, it doesn’t at all encourage me to like any of you, and I really hate what you are doing to a once pure company.

I can remember going to your restaurant maybe twice? three times? in my entire life (and now I’m happy I’ve never gone more than that). One of your buildings was the place where I learned the magic of combining two different sodas, and I liked getting chicken stars that one Sunday in my childhood. And then you had to ruin it all.

I’ve seen the videos. I’ve seen the infamous car washing. I’ve seen the mechanical bull. After one of these commercials, I’ve seen it all. Doesn’t that strike a chord wrong in your heart when you watch these advertisements? I mean, forget the food; they’re just selling women at this point.

Your commercials don’t make me want to eat your food, and frankly, I hope they draw away other customers. I hope that you either change or go out of business instead of taking advantage of other’s sexuality. Women are not being advertised to anymore; instead, we are the advertised.

Now I have to sit through some intensely suggestive makeout session with a burger and a little more than half naked lady, and I sure don’t like it. I don’t want to be objectified just for others to broadcast about a new menu item. I am worth way more than fast food.

*rewritten