An Italian Nightmare

It’s an abomination: a pizza rolled into a loaf and sliced. It is, in essence, a ploaf.

Cameron Foley, Columnist

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So, what happens when you want cinnamon rolls and pizza at the same time? You obviously decide to make a cinnamon roll out of pizza. Now you have ploaf, or alternatively, a loazza, or maybe a poll, or a razza. Whatever it’s called, it’s sure to settle your appetite.

What you need

    • 14 ounces of pizza dough


  • Food Network has a good recipe here. Or, you can buy some.


  • Garlic butter
    • Mix together softened butter with two cloves of minced garlic, a tsp of garlic salt, a dash of pepper, and a pinch of Italian seasoning.
  • 1 cup mozzarella cheese
  • ¼ cup Parmesan cheese
  • ½ cup sliced pepperoni
  • Handful of minced basil
  • Pizza sauce for dipping 


  1. Preheat oven to 425° Fahrenheit.
  2. Spread out dough in a rectangle across a baking pan.
  3. Lather up dough with garlic butter, ideally until it could kill a vampire.
  4. Spread mozzarella and Parmesan cheeses across the bread.
  5. Roll up the dough length-wise and slice into 1-inch pieces.
  6. Bake for 14-16 minutes.

When the loaf is pulled out, place it on a plate with pizza sauce as a dip on the side. Revel in your dreadful creation, and consume that which you worked so much for.

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